


Never Annoy A God During His Programs

by MistressTitania



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Crossover, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28566642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressTitania/pseuds/MistressTitania
Summary: Clint annoys Loki one too many times. Bucky and Peter are dragged along for the ride as they are all sent to a universe where they are just fictional characters.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Never Annoy A God During His Programs

**Author's Note:**

> Nonsense. Goofy tropey fun. Just something I wrote more of while AO3 was down. Not sure if I'll ever add more but I'm open too it.

“LOKI!”

“Damn, Clint I told you to leave him alone when he was watching his show.”

“Shut up, Barnes. Where the hell did he send us?”

A throat is cleared behind them. 

“Can I help you gentlemen?” Captain Bobby Nash asked the strangers in his station. He was trying to ignore that they just appeared between one blink and the next. Because what he thinks happened can’t have happened. He read way too many comics as a kid though. Trying to grasp at the straws of reality. “Are you two filming a movie about first responders?”

The men startle with a jump and turn around to see the 118 staring at them.

Bobby Nash takes one look at what is clearly a metal arm and fights the urge to curse. 

“Huh?”

“Uh, sorry to bother you but where are we?”

“Los Angeles California,” replied Bobby still clinging to denial. 

“Clint, this is all your fault! Now we have to call Stark for a ride back to the Compound. Sorry to intrude on you nice folks but you know how fickle Loki can be sometimes.”

There was silence in the station. Before Bobby sighed deeply.

“I’m sorry to inform you gentlemen that you must really have annoyed the Asgardian. I believe he sent you to a different universe. You are fictional characters in comics and movies here.”

“You sure they aren’t just 5150, Captain?” asked a very concerned Chimney.

“Do you know of any tech on our planet that can make an arm like that?” Bobby was feeling a headache building.

Bucky was frozen trying to comprehend the words spoke. Before he turned to Clint who was trying frantically to reach someone on his cellphone. He looked up feeling the death glare he was getting from Bucky.

“Crap. Now, Barnes, remain calm. Remember you’re an old man and you need to think about your blood pressure.” The man was subtly trying to move to a spot where he could get the high ground. Even the fire engine was looking attractive. 

“I am going to murder you. And if you don’t exist then they can’t get me for the murder of a fictional character!” growled Bucky sounding much more like the Winter Soldier. Barton is currently climbing the fire engine after all. Seconds later Bucky was scrambling after him.

The 118 was still just staring. Someone had to have drugged them with LSD again.

“Can you maybe avoid murder while my kid is still here?” asked a concerned Eddie.

Both Clint and Bucky froze as they saw a small head leaning around his father.

“Sorry, kid. Ignore the old man. He’s all talk.” Clint tried to fix his hair and gracefully climb down. 

“Shut up, Birdbrain. Don’t worry kid we do actually like each other.”

“That’s okay I wasn’t worried. I know Spider-man would have stopped it before it got bad.”

“What?” asked everyone.

Christopher pointed up to the ceiling where there was a costumed superhero trying to make himself invisible. He wasn’t the Spider-man with that power so it didn’t work.

“Hi, just your friendly neighborhood Spider-man,” he paused before shrugging. “from another dimension but still.”

“Oh, Peter Parker really is just that awkward.”

Spidey fell from the ceiling but quickly caught himself on the ladder. “What are you talking about? I don’t know who that is.”

“Kid, stop. You can’t lie worth a damn. Besides we are in another universe. I have a feeling they know a lot more about you then you’d be comfortable with if we are fictional characters here. What did you do to annoy Loki?”

“I think he just didn’t see me when he cast the spell.”

“At least we know he’ll retrieve us eventually. There is no way Stark would let him leave Parker here. And Loki also wouldn’t want to sleep on the couch forever either.”

“FrostIron is REAL!?!” yelped Buck. “Damn, so much for Stony or ScienceBros or IronStrange or WinterIron.”

“Parker, translate please.”

“Sure, Mr. Bucky, I think he means that they ship us since we are fictional characters. Like how Ned is a big StormPilot shipper but MJ prefer Poe, Rey and Finn as her OT3. Those words are the ship names fans use here for us. I’m guessing from his reaction that FrostIron is Loki and Tony, romantically. Stony has to be Steve and Tony. Not sure about ScienceBros, maybe Reed Richards? IronStrange is Tony and Dr Strange. WinterIron is Tony and Bucky.”

“Uh, ScienceBros is Bruce Banner and Tony. There is also IronPanther which is T’Challa and Tony. IronHusbands is Rhodey and Tony. IronHawk which is Clint and Tony.” answered Eddie having heard his boyfriend go off on different ships many times before.

“WHAT!?!” shrieked Clint.

“Something you want to tell me, Doll?” laughed Bucky while Clint carefully flipped his boyfriend off without the young kid seeing him. “But that’s all very weird to think about. Not surprising given how many times the press says I’m either dating Steve or Natasha depending on the day. They rarely guess correctly.”

“What are you guys going to do in the meantime waiting for Loki? And Mr. Parker would you like to borrow a change of clothes to blend in?” asked Bobby having decided he might as well help the hallucinations he is clearly having then maybe they’ll go away.

“Thank you, sir.” Parker shyly took off his mask since there wasn’t any point in secrecy. 

“Oh, you really are a child!” gasped Hen. 

“Hey, I’m 17 now which makes me a legal adult in the state of New York.” He got so annoyed with everyone treating him like a little kid.

“Yup, he’s a pup. We tried keeping him out of the fight but it didn’t go well. He crashed a plan at least once.”

“So Homecoming actually happened? So the MCU is accurate on somethings after all.” Buck was more of a fanboy than he let on most of the time. 

Eddie wasn’t sure who looked more excited, his boyfriend or his son. This was one of the strangest days of his life. At least nobody was injured yet. Except that was when he noticed there was a slash into the Spider-Man suit. “Hey, Kid, are you okay? What happened to your suit?”

Bucky moved in quicker than they could believe as he started examining Peter for injuries. “Why didn’t you say something right away, Parker? You are supposed to report to medical after patrol or was that not the agreement you made with Steve?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Bucky. But really I’m okay. I promise I only blacked out for a few seconds.” Park ran his fingers through his hair trying to act like nothing big was bothering him. His ribs healed fast anyway.

“You are going to let these nice EMTs examine you now!” He glared at the teen until the kid started walking over to the ambulance. “Could one of you please examine my teammate? He is really bad at admitting he got any injuries.”

Hen and Chimney looked at Bobby who just gave a defeated sigh and nodded. This was getting harder to believe was all only an LSD caused hallucination. 

“Motherhen,” coughed Clint under his breath. 

“Want to say that a little louder, Barton?”

“You heard me just fine, Supermom.”

“I hate you.”

“I hate you too, Snookum.”

“Stop hanging out with Wade.”

“No. He always knows the best Mexican places.”

“That’s not enough of a reason, Barton.”

“Do you know how hard it is to find good Mexican food in every city SHIELD send me too? I can always ask Wade for a recommendation.”

Bobby sighed again. This was not going to be a fun call to Athena but he knew their place would probably be best. There are very young kids at Chimney and Hen’s place. Buck and Eddie didn’t have a spare room. He really hoped his wife remembered how much she really liked Bucky Barnes in Captain America and ignore the rest of this impossible situations. 

Eddie and Buck were just staring at the arguing men while trying to believe what they were seeing. Christopher was looking in his backpack for an Avenger or Spider-man comic for autographs. Not that anyone would ever believe him.

Meanwhile Hen and Chimney were trying to ignore the men behind them while examining the stubborn teenager who insisted he was fine.

“Really, ma’am, I’m fine. I didn’t even cough blood this time.”

“This time? What do you mean this time, Parker?” growled Bucky stomping over to boy.

Bobby cleared his throat again. He wanted them out of his station before the next shift came on. Nobody else should have this headache if he could help it. “If you don’t have a specific plan while you wait then I suggest you come to my place to remain unseen. Even if they just think you’re the actors it would gain some attention since there are lots of teen girls in love with Peter and Bucky’s actors.”

“Not just teen girls,” muttered Eddie before smirking when Buck elbowed him hard.

Clint had to grab on to the truck as he fell over from laughing at the look of pure horror on Bucky’s face.

Bobby just sighed again when something very odd happened. Peter Park had jumped straight up from where he was being examined whipping his head around like he was looking for something. Clint had stopped laughing the second it happened. Bucky also tensed up looking around for the threat. Not even half a second later the ground started shaking.


End file.
